The Art of Decluttering

The day you decide to clean up your overflowing closet, you find a coat you wore when you lived in London for a year. Next thing you find might be a box filled with cards your friends and family wrote for your birthdays, or you find a cutlery set used for your wedding anniversary, suddenly an afternoon dedicated to tidying up quickly turns into an afternoon dedicated to reminiscing. Other people might think of these items as obsolete, but you see them as the people, places, and events you came across long ago.

This difference in perspective can help us understand why downsizing can be so personal. Deciding what to put in your home and what to leave out might also make you think about what parts of your life you want to hold on to.

A recipe written by hand might remind you of standing next to your mom in the kitchen. A suit might remind you of a job you spent your life working towards. Even a coffee mug with a chip in it might feel special if it was owned by someone you cared about.

These items help us relate to our past, so they aren't just worth a certain amount of money or how well they are, but how much use we get out of them.

So this makes that average decluttering question: “when was the last time you used it?” feel insufficient. You won't ever wear your dads watch or your wedding dress again, but there is still a reason for you to hold on to them. Try asking, “What does this represent to me?” before you decide what to throw out. It might help the decision making process, but it definitely won't make it simple.

As we experience major life changes, decluttering is a natural step. Whether it's retiring from your job, moving to a smaller house, losing your partner, or changing up what your life needs. These shifts might come into perspective when decluttering. Packing up your office clothes might make retirement feel more final. Packing up your large dining table is a reminder that you might not be having as many family dinners.

In digging up past memories, you may experience mixed emotions. Moving to a house that will be easier to keep clean, but feels sad that your kids didn't grow up in it anymore. Looking forward to moving to a new city, but grieving what you're leaving behind. Allowing yourself to feel these mixed emotions may make your process easier. You don't have to be fully prepared to move forward with these changes.

Family members might be more focused on the practical side of downsizing. They are trying to help you move, clear out rooms, or make your life easier. However, they might not take the time to understand what certain items meant to you, so they might try to move forward with decluttering faster than you would like.

When family members ask, “why are you keeping this?” it can put you on the defensive. Instead invite them to hear the story about it; sharing the memory can help explain the importance of keeping a piece instead of justifying your decision.

It can also be difficult when special items were put aside to be passed down, but aren’t wanted. It can hurt knowing there isn’t space for it, but passing down a photo or a small keepsake can carry just as much meaning.

Try starting small. A utensil drawer might be easier to declutter than letters, photos, or your loved one's belongings. You might need the small win like that to help you understand what pace you are comfortable moving at. Keep a few of your favorite recipes so you can still have someone's handwriting or one some of your favorite clothes. Having photos might also help, especially if you have a recording or writing of why you treasured an item. The story might be what is most valuable to family members.

If you decide to part with something, try finding someone who would enjoy it so your decision feels more intentional. Offer the item without making the person feel like they have to keep it forever. If you ever find a decision too difficult to make, take a break. If you have the time, you can always come back to it. You can learn to make room without erasing the past. There isn't a correct amount of keepsakes that you should have, or a time when you should be done holding on.

Perhaps the coat stays or the tablecloth makes its way to a relative who will use it. Maybe the recipes make their way to your family as a small keepsake, with all of its stains and handwritten fixes. Always remember that the memories are not held by the objects; you are the one who holds the memories, and no one object leaving can take that away from you.